Just when my son’s tears have subsided after the death of Thumper the Psycho cat, I have another bombshell to drop on him. Kermity the Hermit crab is dead.

Yep, we have Hermit crabs. I don’t know why we have Hermit crabs. Oh, yes I do. For my son’s seventh birthday in 2007, a neighbor asked for gift ideas. In a moment of pure madness, I suggested a Hermit crab because “E” would think they were cool. Besides, I thought, wouldn’t they be less maintenance than an aquarium full of fish? Yeah, right!

Lest my lack of grief come across as sarcasm, I should declare that I am a true animal lover. Really. Anyway, my son and I decided to research the care of crabs as soon as we returned from said birthday party. This would have been a good thing for me to do BEFORE I opened my mouth to our very thoughtful friend. Still, when I commit, I commit. Again, I really do adore all animals. Really!

We spent a small fortune on a Hermit crab habitat (“habitat” should have sent up red flags.) We bought the crazy expensive crab food, crab sand, salt water, and purified water (cuz chlorinated tap water simply won’t do for Hermits.) Then came a second crab and special climbing doodads. Oh, and the little factoid that Hermit crabs are nocturnal. You got it. They come out at night. When the rest of the world is asleep. The most we could hope for was to hear their little shells bump against the glass walls at midnight. How fun is that?

Now I realize that every loss is worth its share of mourning. But, we really should redefine the term “pet” don’t you think? I think pets should be critters you can take for a walk, or cuddle with, or play with. One that kids can brush or dress in silly doll clothes. Or, at least an animal that…dare I say it…moves during daylight hours. Honestly, we might as well have a pet rock “habitat.”

Anyway, young son is still in school as I write this and I am pondering this new dilemma. How do I tell him that a second pet has died within two days of the family cat? (Rest assured, I will skip over the little fact that Mom experimented with tap water just one time last week- the first time in a year and a half.) There will surely be more tears when I break the news to him. One day he will wonder why?

So, dear readers I ask; does this mean another trip to the ranch so that we can properly bury Kermity the crab in the unmarked family pet cemetery? Do I need to prepare a matchbox coffin that we will plant six inches deep? Or, should we submit this “pet” to the great porcelain gods via the bathroom plumbing?

I trust we will all survive this newest loss. But let us take a moment of silence……………..Tomorrow, a new add may appear on Craigslist. Free to good home: One lonely hermit crab, complete with furnished habitat. Quiet sand lover. Prefers purified water.

Quote for the Day: “Never make a defence or apology before you be accused.”—King Charles I of Great Britain (1600-1649)